Love Before Football

Truthfully, I never knew how much my husband loved football. When we dated, I never saw him watch a game. I think maybe that football wasn't invented back then.
I have to ask now- How much 'foolsball' is too much? Take today for instance, my son and husband traveled on a bus to Raven's stadium. They left at 11am and returned at 6pm. As soon as we had dinner, they were perched in front of another football game. This must be an escape for men. I wish I had someplace to go in the peace and quiet, where I could threaten a life if anyone bothered me. WOW !
I lucked out today, because my husband wanted me to go with him to the game, since his other options were falling through and I was his last attempt to not lose a $ 65 ticket. I kind of got ugly and told him flat out "no", that I wouldn't walk down the street to watch 55 huge men jump on top of each other. He then informed me that football was a great crowd pleaser and people in Baltimore loved the game. I hope there is football in Heaven, because he is going to be hard-pressed for something to do. I am pretty sure that there won't be any football in Hell, unless there is a big screen the size of the moon that poor wives who hated rabbit- love-making had to watch 24-7.
Have you ever watched a football game? You can never imagine the rules of this sport. Sometimes the men can attack in vicious droves and this is ok. Sometimes, the referee stops the game for "unnecessary roughness". Any fool knows that the game is all unnecessary roughness and they should call it unnecessary violence. Then there are times if a man lightly touches the mask of his opponent, there is a penalty. And why is it, when the poor man is finally down, that 18 more pile on top of him trying to stampede him to death? At any other place than a football stadium, this would be a felony with assault and battery charges.
Then the touch down comes, which is greater than an orgasm. The guy with the ball struts over the line walking like a proud chicken and 50,000 people go absolutely insane with joy. Does beer make people that happy? If it does, then I think I should drink something stronger than milk.
And how long should a game last anyway? Who ever heard of watching the same old stuff for more than 4 hrs? It sort of resembles a war with fighting, bloodshed, and stretchers carrying off the wounded.
Is this game really skill? How much talent does it take to trample someone or grab a ball in mid-air, or strut like a chicken? I think that they are just over-paid bullies.
On the weekends, we eat at half time and football is on TV the entire weekend. Of course the recliner where my husband is very territorial about is situated between the TV and the laundry room. So I have learned to wait for commercials or totally detour around to the dining room to get through the kitchen to get to the laundry room. All of this takes me longer to get my work done and I think I may go on strike, not to hold out for more pay, because I work for free.
My husband can't understand what I have against football, so I have given him a list-game is too long, too rough, too loud, too boring, too confusing and too distracting when I am trying to write.
The only thing that I do for 4 straight hours is work. When I hear what one football player gets paid, I feel like going nuts. Do they call football work? I'd like to take them through one of my 12 hr shifts at the hospital and I would show them work. I feel as if I am in a football game. Family members are writing down all my moves. Pts quiz me on all their medications, all 15 of them, like I am a pharmacist or something. The doctors play keep away from me by sneaking in and out without my knowledge. There is mass confusion with 6 phones ringing, 38 call lights going off like blinking lights on a Christmas tree and all kinds of mechanical alarms are sounding. There are bed alarms and chair alarms for the old and squirrelly. IV pumps have alarms and the medication infusion pumps do as well. There is constant chatter and escalating stress levels, just in time for a smoke alarm to sound. Dear foot ball players, this is work.