Sunday, January 31, 2010

Let it Snow !!

I have to say that I have missed driving to and from work in the dark in a blizzard, but I am happy to report that the snow road rules came back to haunt me.
In hill country, the rules are a little different. You see, a car is far more likely to slide sideways so the hills become treacherous to some, but others like sliding sideways and try desperately to hit my car as I cruise along at 20 miles per hour on icey roads in a blizzard.
I left my brother's house before dark, a typically 20 minute ride which turned into a one hour drive. There were people going everywhere, where were they going?
The snow plows were jet speeding down the road, tossing snow like fog all over my car so I couldn't see.
Others were passing me, since I was obviously driving too slow and they had to get somewhere in a hurry on a Saturday at 4pm, what was with that??
One man in a truck was zig zagging down the highway, totally out of control. He didn't seem to notice that he was slipping or that it was snowing.
Cars were trying to turn corners and kept right on turning. I have to admit, I was more than scared. And kept asking myself, where were they going for crying out loud?
I know that I had to be on the highway, since I was trying to help my brother with his sick wife and yes I had to go home. But all those other people, what were they doing.??? Besides trying to kill me, I have no idea.
I dared not apply the brakes, but going downhill, a car kind of does its own thing. So I was meeting the oncoming traffic with one little line separating us. One little slip and my poor Sam would have been a crumbled cookie. And yes I care more for Sam than I do me. I always have. But even with her 4 wheel drive, I felt as if I was driving on iceskates.
There were lanes of traffic and no one could see the lines on the roads. We were in a snow emergency mode and that little fact seems to cause people to get out of their warm little houses and drive nowhere. What are they thinking and where are they going???
Cars were in ditches and tow trucks were everywhere,along with police cars with lights flashing. There were fender benders and accidents all around. Yes the snow was beautiful but I really only could think of living to get home and drive out in that white stuff again.
Sam loved it, it was our first big ride in the snow since I bought her in 2004. But since she needs new tires she is not on top of her game. You can't blame that on her, poor thing. She drove like I walk as if I have no treads on my shoes.
It was of little comfort to me to see that people still drive like idiots and dare devils. When a snow emergency plan is in effect, only necessary vehicles are supposed to be on the road. You would have thought it was Christmas Eve and everyone had last minute shopping to do.
Well now I sit here in mynice warm little house and I may never drive in a blizzard again. I am getting too old for this game. Instead of humming Christmas Caroles like Let it Snow, I was praying, Please God, just let me live another hour to get home!!!!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Time is Short

Oh how powerful those three words are, for all of us. I have watched the slow deterioration of my sister-in-law, my youngest brother Tim's wife, mother of three young children.
I went through all the grieving processes eventually, but I got hung up in the anger response. I was full of questions, why my brother, why such sadness on a rare happy marriage, why three children will not have their mother, why didn't God just fix it.???
And so I hung in this phase for months. The anger was misplaced and going nowhere. No I got to sit back and observe the tragedy about to hit my brother and his family.
The Ravens game was on, there was yelling, laughing, screaming , eating, talking and having fun. My brother wants life to go on as usual.
At first, I misunderstood this as some kind of denial. Now I perceive it as a man who loves his wife and children enough to keep life going on, even as we will lose our Lara.
Lara was full of laughter and always finding time to play with her children. She was and is a good mother to them. How will the children come to terms with the lose? I presume that their lives will go on, they will play sports, attend school, and go to church with their friends. This is what she would have wanted.
In their living room are amazing portraits taken at the beginning of her illness, around January last year. There is no sign of sickness, just a happy,loving family. You have to look very closely to see the pain in Lara's eyes. She knew that time was short.
Now I think back to day she called me to invite me to go with her on a retreat, but I declined, I was "too busy". I think back to the day that Tim and Lara invited my husband and me via a letter in my brother's handwriting to go on a marriage retreat, we were "too busy". Oh to go back in time and make the time, for time is too short. Find the time to love on your family even when you are "too busy" even when they don't deserve it.
She is home now with Hospice care and surrounded by love from friends and family. After a special church prayer vigil, she started to drink and eat. Her right side is still paralysed and her speech is garbled at times, but she has a way of making her wants known. Friends have dashed out of the house for cold cappachino, red velvet cake, or whatever she wanted. Even if it wasn't the right word, they got it just the same.
The dog, Junie, likes to lie next to her, trying to comfort as only dogs can do.
God has not taken Lara yet, but when he does we know she is going to be finally healed. She will talk and walk, she will be free.
If my brother can see this as a celebration, then so can I. We will celebrate her freedom from this earthy disease. We will celebrate her life and she will hear us tell jokes and stories about her.
Yes, time is short. Only a few of us are privileged to know how much time we have left on this earth. But God has blessed the Webster family. They know time is short and they are making the best of it.
Take time to thank God for each day that you wake up and feel good. For tomorrow may not be so good. I believe that only special people get to know that they have been given special time. A time to say goodbye for now.
A few days ago, I got to lay beside her in her bed. I was hesitate to touch her as my hands are so cold and she hates that, who doesn't?? I looked at her and said, "I know I haven't said it enough, or maybe not at all, but I do love you!" She squeezed my hand. I thank God for that moment. Some of us will not get that time.
Say what you want to say to others now. Ask forgiveness. Tell someone you love them. Forget the anger over the years that doesn't help anyone. Take time now, for time is short.