Public Parenting

I read somewhere that a good test of how good a parent you are would be to see if your child would obey you, when you bark out commands while you stretch out on the sofa. In other words, you don't get up and stand tall, while you threaten to get the fly swatter off the fridge, not that I ever hit my kids with one, but I am pretty sure that I didn't kill flies with it either.
Allow me to go over the anatomy of the fly swatter with you. The netted swatter part is quite flimsy and was originally designed to trap a fly while it was still alive, so you could squash it with your feet. The swatter is attached by a criss-cross wire with a long handle, so that you could stand 10 feet away from the fly and still hit it. The swatter gained significant popularity with the parents of the 50's. They used the swatter to discipline their children and noticed that with repeated swatting, the swatter part would fly off and the wire part could rip the skin off the legs of any kid.
I got the idea about public parenting, which should not be confused with in-house parenting, while my husband and I were out dining in the luxury of Cactus Willies. Even though this is a family place and I knew it would be invaded with kids, I still managed to get annoyed by just one kid. It only takes one kid you know.
I think now that my children are the size of huge men, I don't think of myself as a parent anymore. I single-handedly managed to screw them up, which is a done deal as I can't turn back the hands of time. So now, I just sit back and watch other parents do the same thing. I can't tell you what joy it gives me.
I think that maybe the rules of parenting have changed, since it is socially acceptable for a little one to run or scream whenever they feel the urge. They don't have to sit and they will be seen and heard.
I saw one such kid today at Cactus Willies. He was between 2-3 yrs old and he was on a mission to disrupt the entire large room full of hungry people and he was quite successful. His poor mother would get up and run after him and hold him close to her as she whispered in his ear. This was her way of letting us know that she was in control, at least for the few seconds that she had an iron grip on the toddler.
I found myself wondering what she must be saying, maybe something like this-"Mommy is not happy, you have upset Mommy. Do you want to upset Mommy? Of course you don't, now be a good boy and quiet down a litte. Could you do that for Mommy?" Sure lady, when he turns 40.
I thought of a few lines that may have helped her and they were swirling around in my head as I watched her get up for the 5th time. Something like this-"Do you want Mommy to kill you in front of all these nice, fat, people? Of course you don't, but you know that I will. Look into my eyes, see how dark they are? Be very, very careful, because Mommy is going to snap and think of how awful that would be for you. Now be a good boy and if you say another word or run under the tables again, your life will end, right here and now!!!"
The father of the toddler was totally focused on the massive amounts of food on his platter and was not the least bit concerned that his child was using the restaurant for a playground. After all, this is a family place and people who don't like kids should eat elsewhere.
I ask you this-where can you go when kids are not around? Years ago, an adult could venture out in public in the afternoon, which was nap time for all kids under the age of 6. But not anymore, the kids don't have a schedule and they sure don't nap. There is no safe place anymore.
Even though the churches now have nurseries, there are screaming kids, talking kids, jumping kids, and babies being breastfed. Breast feeding is natural, so why does it look so out of place in church? Those mothers usually work outside the home and have a trillion bottles of frozen breast milk in their freezer, yet during church, it has to be the hot real nipple. And I think that this bothers me because breast feeding is not in the same league with the other church foreplay that I have been privileged to see, not even close.
Even though the hospital has strict rules about bringing kids under age 12 into the hospital, people do it everyday and get really upset if you ask them to leave. So their little one comes to visit grandma and upsets the whole unit as they squeal and crawl around on the filthy hospital floor and jump in bed with their hospital acquired-diseased grandma, who has a diaper full of C-Diff stool.
But be it far from me to give any parenting advice. I have one child that I could discipline from the sofa. He knew that a fly swatter was for killing flies. But not the other child. Just last week, I chased his 6ft 5in, body all through the house, waving the swatter over my head, yelling empty threats as he roared in laughter. He was always aware that once he was in public, he could do whatever he wanted to, because people watched to see if I would spank him so they could call SS and have me put behind bars.
I have concluded that the parenting thing can only be successful if both parents think alike. They have to believe that it is ok to keep swinging the swatter, even when the swatter part has sailed into the air. After all, that's what bandaides are for, to cover up things that a social worker would never see.
When I was a child, I feared my parents. Fear and respect, can they be separated?