The Time Zone People

Somebody, somewhere, wasted alot of time coming up with the theory that men and women are from different planets. A whole book was written on the subject and it was a huge seller. I think men and women are just in different time zones and they complicate matters by not adhering to their proper zone, whatever that may be.
Another author spent years convincing all of us that we have personality types, like A or B. Folks there are no types, just time zones, being type A-zone or type B-zone. And sadly, most of us do not know that we are even in a zone at all, we just linger around, always late with time running away from us. We go on our whole lives and can't figure it out.
Let's mention type B-zone people first and I must say that they annoy me. I have no use for them. They do not remember if they brushed their teeth that morning unless they check the bristles for wetness. They are late for all events and I think that they plan it this way, after all, it is near impossible to be late all the time. They glance at their clock when they should be in their car ready to go, but they can't find their keys or their shoes, or even their clothes. The outfit they wanted to wear is in the dirty laundry, which they didn't have time to do. Come on now, there is always time for laundry!
These same people drive on the beltway like they are being chased by the police, just trying to make up for the time they spent trying to find their wallet. I call them froggers, as I watch them switch lanes to shave a few seconds off their commute. They hang on their horns and want everyone to clear the way just for them. Well, too bad, you love being late, so be late and stop trying to kill the rest of us.
They have no idea what they are having for supper that night and of course when they try to throw something together, ingredients are missing, or hiding in a cluttered cupboard, so packed with stuff that when they open the door, most of the items fall out. They can't find the time to straighten the mess and the mess multiplies as the years tick by.
I am sure that you have guessed by now, I am a type A-zone person with lots of time-saver ideas. Not that I am a clean woman, but I am the only one who knows the truth and that's all that matters.
The first huge time saver is spring and fall cleaning. If you reduce this to annual cleaning and stretch it out to every other year, you could have a whole week of vacation time somewhere alone, living in an emaculate hut with no one to clutter the joint. Food could be delivered to the door and a kitchen would be a useless room.
Second, those blasted windows. I can see how the outside gets dirty, but what about the inside?
How do finger prints get all over them? Are there little bugs with hands flying all around or what? And believe me, just as soon as you wash your windows, a hurricane will brew in Bermuda and it will eventually land right over your house. I clean my windows when I can longer see out of them, since this is a huge waste of time. Whoever walks in your house and says," Wow, what clean windows you have!" Cleaning windows is an all day event and if you don't bother, you can use the time sleeping in late or doing your laundry.
Third, the shower curtains. Why a full-time maid couldn't keep all that white stuff from caking on the liners. You should just throw it away and buy a new one. I figure it takes 15 minutes a week to clean the liner. If you multiply that by 52 weeks, you get 780 minutes or 13 hrs, which is a whole day of sunlight. You just added almost a whole day to your life.
Speaking of bathrooms, the time spent cleaning them is the fourth waste of time. When you have 3 men over 6ft 3in tall, spraying urine all over the toilet in super sonic jet stream fashion, the ammonia will make your eyes water when you walk in the room. Sadly, bathroom cleaning must be done, but I did buy one of those candle heaters so now the bathroom smells like a hot cup of hazelnut cappuccino with a dash of ammonia.
Scrubbing the kitchen floor is probably my biggest waste of time since no one takes off their shoes. When I fry chicken the grease splatters straight for my eyes and so I have to duck and it lands on the floor to be tracked all over the house.
I think I forgot the type C-zone people. I know someone like it, but I can't disclose this information. Going to church is timed down to the minute so that we are late. People in this zone have a time frame of their own. A church service should never take longer than an hour, a baseball game (which we are never late for ) should take as long as ever, and football should last all day long.
I have also discovered that I can save time by not looking for coupons, usually they expire by the time I remember that I have one. Then in the fine print, which no one can see, is a tiny expiration date that could be 2003.
Someone dear to me (that I will not mention) is a coupon clipper and saver. He shops at BJ"s. Right now we have 20 rolls of toilet paper, 2 gallons of Scope, one gallon of mustard and ketchup, and 2 - 8 packs of peas or green beans. We have 2 large jars of Peanut Butter and a 6 pack of toothbrushes that will out last our teeth. He comes back from his weekly shopping and boasts of his savings. Last week, there was a little argument over which store has the best deals- BJ's or Walmart? Then I was asked if I used my coupons at Walmart, I smiled and said, "Of course silly, that's what coupons are for!"