How to Tolerate a New Nurse Manager

1. If you new nurse manager pops in on your unit at any old time, unannounced and not welcome, nothing good will come of it.
2. If she comes up with a uniform color scheme for a shade that totally turns you off and one that you wouldn't be buried in, you should just wear the traditional white which is the color of purity and cleanliness, something you may not have seen for a while. Besides, look on the bright side, the more alike the nurses look, the harder it will be for a patient to identify them in court.
3. If you can't afford new uniforms, just use an old white sheet, cut a hole in the middle of it for your head and tie some white yarn around the waist of the draped sheet. You might look like a nun, and what is wrong with that especially if you work in a Catholic hospital?
4. If she does some serious clock watching and notices that you are late dragging your butt out of your own home to get to work, you might want to set your clocks ahead of time, or you may be in for some serious down time.
5. If she notices your sick calls due to your failing health that springs up at the last minute, you might want to keep a log of doctor visits and have him send her a letter that you are borderline disabled.
6. If she does a surprise visit to your unit in the wee hours of the morning, you might want to check the want ads, since a stick of dynamite is about to go off under your chair.
7. If you are told that there is a reason to believe that you are not giving good nursing care, you might want to make a few good friends on your unit, since you will be desperate for a reference.
8. If you get a poor evaluation from your new manager and you wonder how she got wind of all those negative things she wrote, you had better make a few friends with your patients and beg them to write her a nice letter about your wonderful care to them. You may have to offer them some money in return.
9. If your new manager tells you that some changes are about to occur and she can't share the news, it could be that she is going to do some serious housecleaning to rid her unit of staff members that she feels should have a different profession.
10. If your new manager has her door closed with the lights on, you can not assume that she is not in there and you should perform your duties as if she was right beside you looking over your shoulder like your mother would do.
11. If your new manager tells you that this unit is the filthiest place she has ever seen and that you are a part of the problem, you had better invest in some trash bags from WalMart and put them in your locker along with your own supply of toilet paper, paper towels, soap, and a BJ's size bottle of Kaboom.
12. If your new manager notices food stuck in the keys of your keyboard of the computer, she may assume that you ordered out for Chinese food and eat while you chart. So don't leave her a message telling her that didn't get a 30 minute lunch break.
13. If your new manager walks on your unit unexpectedly and sees you wearing a jacket, she might get the wrong impresssion. She might think that you are cold because you sat too long at your computer doing high-tech nursing skills, that replace your hands on nursing skills.
14. If your new manage sees you with a cell phone at your ear, she might get the wrong impression thinking that you are talking on the phone instead of using the cell phone for an ear muff.
15. If your new manager tells you that she is not familiar with the cell phone policy, you can be sure that she will incorporate her own policy. You might want to talk to your family before you come to work.
16. If she outlaws the cell phone, this will include text messaging as well. If you have time to use your personal phone, then you are not as busy as you claim to be.
17. If she thinks you answer your cell phone at the first ring and you let your patient's call light ring for 10 minutes, she will assume that you have your priorities screwed up.
18. If she tells you the unit patient satisfaction is at an all time low, you can bet she was hired to fix the problem. If you are worried, then you should be.
19. If your new manage takes on the nick name of Ice Pick, then maybe that is why she was hired. She is not here to be your friend and if I were you, I would try to stay on her good side.