Changing Pews

Church going as a child was a long ordeal, 2-3 hrs long. Time meant nothing to evangelists in those days. They didn't care if they ever dismissed the crowd or if you were yawning. They were in the soul-saving business and let's fact it, this takes time.
Oddly enough, there were no bathrooms in the sanctuary. Can you imagine that? Well get this-no got up and walked out to return in a few minutes. It just was not done. We could really hold in those body fluids. Maybe the Coke-Cola, which we rarely drank, was not as lethal on the bladder as it seems to be now.
Or maybe it was the training of the good ole Moms of the 50's. Rules went like this:
1. When you sit on the toilet, you do something.
2. When you sit on a church pew, you do nothing.
Imagine that!!! And all the Moms had the same rules. Anyway the point of this is to try to figure out why there is a constant flow of traffice during the sermon. Do you wonder where everyone is going?
Maybe there is a bake sale in the foyer and it's buy one, get one free. Or maybe there is a sign-up sheet for volunteers of the 4 yr old class for Vacation Bible School, first come , first serve.
Maybe they got a text message from their secret friend, we should be happy their phone was on vibrate.
We all know where they are going-to the bathroom. Someone, somewhere, once upon a time, decided that a sanctuary was not complete without a bathroom and it was so. The concept caught on and pretty soon, all churches had one.
We attended a church once that had a bathroom right out of the Ethan Alan Catalog. There was scented potpouri, Yankie Candles, soft lights, and a beautiful sitting room with early American furniture. I admit that my one visit there (between Sunday school and church) was one of admiration. I didn't want to leave and I wanted to come back. So I don't blame the folks that get caught up in the bliss of the john.
I have wondered though, what does one do in the sitting room? Do you sit there waiting your turn? Does the ladies prayer group hold meetings there? What ???
Moms of this generation have only one rule:
DO NOT USE the bathroom before leaving the house, save it for church !!
I admire the pastors who can stay focused during the peak hour of traffic, oblivious to the congestion of people walking up and down the aisles. I predict that in the near future, a 20 minute sermon will require a 5 minute intermission.
My brother, a pastor, has that focus ability, but this is reasonable since he did his homework in front of the TV. WOW !!!
Anyway, back to the church of today, if I am not distracted by the potty people, then the babies get ready for their show.
Can you imagine expecting a toddler to sit quietly today for a 2-3 hr sermon? Well it can be done, because I did it and I knew what to expect if I didn't.
Churches today do not expect the toddlers to be still, and so the nursery was made and it was good. This is special time where the toddler can destroy the donated toys, exchange viruses, and totally pluck the last nerve of the nursery worker.
The nursery quickly became God's gift to pastors. Moms who dare to bring a little one in for the worship service get an evil eye from on-lookers and try to stare her down until she runs with her child to the nursery.
Good, now we can actually hear the pastor!! Thanks. lady. Sorry, if I hurt your feelings, but your screeching little one is just plain ugly, so there, be gone, and don't come back until you hear the music.
Can we be too surprised when these same little ones that enter kindergarten have no idea that a seat is for sitting or not to talk unless someone tells them to?
I call this generation, the anti-play pen group. My mother knew that play pens were the special things that God gave Mommies, yet the play pen is not used for the toddler today. It is used to store their toys. One mother used it to put the Christmas tree in so her toddler didn't destroy it. Good thinking, now why didn't I think of that?
We were kept in a play pen until we could jump in and out independently and knew better that to eat crickets, we were about 4 yrs old, depending on our coordination skills.
I know that the play pen industry must be suffering. When was the last time you saw a little one in a play pen?
I recall one tired Mom who decided early on, as soon as her toddler, jumped out of the play pen, that it was too dangerous for him. So he explored the house 14 hrs a day with her walking behind him. After getting to know the operator at Poison Control on a first name basis, this Mom was almost committed to Mother-la-la-land.
I recall another Mom of twins with two older kids, who managed to get her housework done and mastered keeping her sanity. She has a secret place that God gave only to her. This was the twins bedroom with a door that locked from the outside. Yep, every afternoon, she locked them in for two hours. The room was baby-proof and she didn't mind that they tore off their diapers and played with them. They practically ripped the room apart, but that is not the point. This is about sanity.
Moms today feel that their children need to explore and express themselves. So sad to think of how my own Mother stunted my exploring phase by putting me in a play pen. Shame on her!
But the traffice aisle people and the babies are not the only distractions, it is the lovey, dovey, couples. My, my, what do they do before coming to church. I see neck rubbing, bra strap caressing, and hands in the others back pockets. They whisper to each other and smile. Well I think they are talking dirty to each other. Shame on them !
But worship is different now, the clothes such as they are, are tight, short, and revealing. Clothes that were once worn by the scamp and the vamp are now church clothes. I wonder what God thinks? Maybe He looks on the inside and is just glad that they came to His house.
Maybe I should sit up front ! That suggestion came from my brother.