The Flip Side

This past week, I added two more skittles to my over-crowded medicine bin. I can no longer poke fun at the needy, sick people since God has punished me severely for those bad thoughts and has placed me on a bed of affliction. I know, its all my fault and I am going to have to repent of those sins down the road, I think.
I have joined the other side. I no longer care for the sick, I am the sick. I am the flip side of being well. I have crossed over and joined the whiny. I now date Ben Gay. How sad!
I am the one on hold for the doctor's office. I am the one waiting for weeks for test results. I am the one in the dark, never knowing what is going on in my own body. I have concluded that health professionals are on a mission impossible to see if their sad neglect of a sick person will cause that person more health problems and thus pay for someone's yacht.
I am on the assembly line trying to talk to desk people who are more concerned about the HIPAA paperwork, than an abnormal EKG. They peer at me and request the co-pay and the referral before they let me sign in. They reach for my insurance card and my driver's license. HUH?? I am given 6 pages or more of needless questions that no one reads and each page has at least one question that was on the previous page.
After the paperwork, I am told to go sit down, where I wait with the other zillion sick people, who are entranced by a huge TV with two women having a cat fight on the Jerry Springer show.
I try not to notice that the "others" are old and gray with hearing aides, walkers, and portable O2. They look sick, poor things and I wonder how they got to the doctor's office. Did they drive? Heaven forbid!
Finally my name is called and I get ushered into a cold examining room where a gown is tossed to me and I am told to disrobe. Slam, she is gone. And so I do as I am told and sit on a paper table cloth, like that prevents the spread of germs somehow.
How many times have I told my patients,"the doctor will be in soon?" Soon, in doctor time, could be an hour or more. Soon, is after awhile, or later, or whenever. And I just wish I could go home and be a well person again like I used to be, but instead I have to content myself to sit and wait, while I freeze and pray that there is a magical pill to make me well again.
The door finally opens and the doctor enters the room with no apology for sucking up my whole day from work for one-15 minute office visit. He gets a phone call as he glances over my chart and there are several knocks on the door, interruptions that can't be avoided. It's not like I was having a manicure where I am the sole focus of people who don't speak English and the charge is about 1/100th less.
He takes the time to listen to my heart which I am there complaining about due to skipped beats, and gallop beats, but as bad luck would have it, my heart is in perfect rhythm which plays down my need for his immediate attention and I am put in a pile of not-so-urgent complainers. Whatever was wrong with me can wait until later! In the meantime, I can go see another specialist and repeat the whole process again if I am desperate enough, which I am not!
I tried to remember how this episode of illness took place. Perhaps, it was my own fault for putting my health on the back burner, or maybe I just waited until I had 3 ailments like I do with the plumber. You know you can save money this way, since they charge for entering your home.
I do remember telling my primary doctor that I felt dizzy at times. This little complaint sent me to an ENT doctor for a load of tests. I was then referred to a neurologist who had no idea why I was sent to him and he kindly referred me to a neurosurgeon. The neurosurgeon was unimpressed with my poor balance, especially since I had not caused an accident with a 20 car pile up on the beltway and had not fallen onto my patient's bed at work.
Sadly another health issue erupted and I had an echocardiogram that showed a severe leaking mitral valve in my heart, but it must not have been too bad, since I didn't get the report until 12 days later. I was sent to a cardiologist, who reviewed the echo, but the tech left out one part of the report and he couldn't decide if I needed heart surgery or not. I was told to wait a few months and have the test repeated.
No wonder health costs are sky-rocketing!
Then my back pain issues surfaced its ugly head. I became on a first name basis with the xray tech. I had 2 MRIs, a spine xray, and an abdominal CT. I had 3 visits to the orthopedic MD and weeks of PT. I still feel like a walker would be nice.
It became apparent that my bedside nursing days were over. So I am trying to write something that will sell like the Harry Potter books.
See the attached Ad- Work Needed !
Nurse available, Will work for money. Dependable. Seeks a used walker. Would prefer to work in an environment where people talk loud. Wears a back brace for lifting anything heavier than her purse. Would like a retirement plan, but will not be able to retire for 10 more years. Might need a mitral valve replaced, but I am sure it can be done on an out-patient basis, hopefully on a Saturday. Thank you, Aging Nurse.
P.S. Update, the mitral valve has been replaced. Now I just fall alot and am on a blood-thinner, but I doubt if I will fall at work !