How to Get the Attention of Your Spouse

1. If you want to have a conversation with your spouse, just go into the bathroom and close the door. This will automatically guarantee a conversation.
2. If you want his attention urgently, just tell him that you are thinking of quitting your job, that is, the out-of-the-house job, but you will keep the in-house 24-7 job that never ends.
3. If you have had a bad day at work and you need a listening ear, just call your Mom, at least you know that she cares.
4. If your body is not as beautiful as it once was, I don't recommend that you walk around naked seeking attention, instead, you might want to take trumpet lessons.
5. Open your lap top immediately if you really want conversation. You might want to look guilty if he walks over to glance at your screen. What in the name of Heaven does he think you are doing, looking a naked men- What would be the point in that?
6. If your spouse comes home and doesn't smell any thing cooking and sees you relaxing in a chair, believe me- he will notice.
7. If he asks you what is for dinner, just give him a sexy smile. If you are lucky, he will be hungry enough to start his own dinner.
8. If you are convinced that you are having a complete nervous breakdown, don't tell your spouse, just let him be surprised when he comes home from work and finds you in a catatonic state, hopefully he will notice that your eyes aren't blinking.
9. If one of your children is sucking the life out of your body and you want your spouse to intervene, don't bother. Just grab the child by the throat and say," I brought you into this world, I can take you out!"- not original but you will get your spouse's attention.
10. If you are desperate for a conversation, just watch a chic flick together. You will surely miss most of the movie including the plot as conversations will most definitely arise.
11. If your spouse calls you around 3pm pretending he wants to know about your day, just hold off telling him what's for dinner so you can actually have a conversation.
12. If you have an emotional need, you should be prepared that your spouse has a bigger need, instead just call a relative and leave a tear-jerking message on their answering machine.
13. If you are lucky enough to be in the middle of a meaningful conversation while the TV is on, watch carefully as he will increase the volume as to not miss what he was watching.
14. If your spouse sees you lighting cinnamon candles, he may get the wrong idea.
15. Try not to get too excited as time ticks by and you have an empty nest, which will allow you to have some love playing flashlight games. By the empty nest time, you may not be physically able to hold a flashlight. Don't ask me about those flashlight games, I only know it is a lose-lose situation, if you know what I mean