Smitten by the Love Bug

I have to say that the only thing that gets deeper in my craw even deeper than the newsy Christmas letters, is the lovey, dovey, couples. The ones that know when the other had their last bowel movement. As far as I am concerned, that is crossing the line. And frankly, I think it is all a fake, huge cover-up to make you covet their relationship so that you fantasize about life with their spouse. Yeah, it's all a trick of the Devil to get one of your feet in Hell !
I can only imagine life with an attentive man. Let's see now, he would follow me up and down the aisles of WalMart, winking at me as I spend his money. He would demand that I quit work and take naps everyday, so we could rub peanut butter on each other every night. He would insist on helping with the chores and he would hire a housekeeper so we could spend time just looking into each other's eyes with love. He would insist that I get satisfied when we make love, even if he has to do it all night and die trying. Wow, I am getting hot just writing this. (had to take off my sweater)
Just last week at the hospital, I saw a couple that just about made me sick. The patient, who was having a gallbladder attack, was accompanied to her room by her son and daughter-in-law. I had to get the patient ready for surgery so I was in her room for some time. I stepped out to get an IV bag and when I returned the daughter-in-law was sitting on her husband's lap, just as snug as a bug in a rug. They asked me when the patient was going to surgery, as they were debating on the time factor of getting back to Pennsylvania to feed the farm animals. Yeah right, they didn't care about feeding those animals, they just wanted to get home for some rabbit love making, since they hadn't missed a night in their entire marrage. Can you imagine anything being that good?
I looked at the son with wonder in my eyes. He had on a dark shirt with two long white stains on the front, that I'd like to think was toothpaste. He wore dirty jeans and boots and I am pretty sure that he was missing some teeth, but his wife did not see what I saw. He was far from handsome and she was no prize, but they were in love, giggling and hugging, totally disgusting display. When they left, I assumed that they just went out to their truck in the wide open parking lot, just rocking and rolling, not caring who saw them.
I knew they were smitten by the love bug. They were a couple that could not stand for the other to be out of their site. The same kind that couldn't sleep unless they were wrapped around each other. The kind that wouldn't want to live if the other one died. Imagine that !!!
Back in the old days, middle aged men married 15 yr old girls, mere children, and I think I know why. Girls this age never heard of foreplay and so rabbit love making was good to them. In case you are wondering what rabbit love making is, don't ask me, I just made it up.
We saw a movie not too long ago, I forget the name, but there was a quick scene, no nudity, just two upright people clutching at each other in desperation for something. At first, I thought they were fighting and it reminded me of the fight I had with Pansy in the 7th grade.
Anyway, to continue, he backed her flat against the wall and not gently, mind you. No clothes came off, but you could tell what was going on. In about 2 minutes, it must have been over, since they slumped, gasping to the floor almost unconscious from all the joy. For a moment, I thought they had been shot. I am amazed that one of them didn't die from that moment. I have to admit that I was impressed since even a rabbit could not have been any faster.
I think that love-making is only necessary to produce children, and after you have had the worrisome kids, the love-making is over. "It" has served it purpose and "it" should be put down to stay down.
Last week, "a been put down thing" type of patient arrived on our unit. He had minor surgery, the installation of a "thing" prosthesis. Now don't get the wrong picture here, the prosthesis is no an extension of the real "thing", but a device that keeps the old "thing" working like an ever-ready battery.
Being the good nurse that I am, I had to check the post operative site and I admit that I was looking forward to it ! Now let me explain what I saw- the one-eyes snake was neither up or down, it was a betweensy you might say. And it was staring right at me. It had a magic button for the a"right thing time", but I was afraid to look.
So I have come up with a new name for love-making after age 55-pretend love-making where he pretends he is doing it and she pretends she likes it !!!!