How to Prevent Nurse Burn-Out

1. If your new direct admission pt does not have their long boring history on paper with a detailed medication list, send them back home to get it.
2. If your pt brings you a weekly medicine holder that is jammed with pills that look like colored skittles and they have no idea why they are taking so many pills, just send the pills and container home and give them a medicine cup full of M & Ms. This placebo affect works wonders.
3. If your patient tells you that they have a living will and that a copy is on record, tell them that by the time you find it, they could formulate a new one.
4. If you go in your patients room to apply a purple (NO CODE) bracelet and the patient doesn't know what you are talking about, just tell them the bracelet is a Lance Armstrong tribute and that it matches the cyanosis of their nail beds.
5. If a doctor is trying to find you, it's probably not a good thing and you should hide, but not in the linen closet as he may get the wrong idea.
6. Don't argue the pain score with your patients, since someone told them that the higher the score, the greater the dose of narcotic they will receive. Remember that sedated patients are low maintenance.
7. If you attempt to give an IV narcotic and the patient asks you to "shoot it in fast like the other nurse did", don't act surprised or tell them about protocols. This is all about the patient feeling good and improving patient satisfaction.
8. Try your best to confuse your patient, by NOT changing the date on the board in their room and don't ever put your real name up there, since this could be used against you in a court of law. Just put the name of a nurse you don't particularly like and let her take the heat.
9. If you have less than 6 patients, the supervisor will go out to the front of the hospital and drag in some construction workers to fill up your empty beds.
10. If your patient is admitted to rule out C-Diff, this is a guarantee that they will never had another BM !!
11. If you see someone in Isolation in a yellow gown reach out of the room for something on the cart, you have to assume they are following the isolation technique just like the doctor who wasn't wearing even a yellow gown.
12. If you get called to the phone more than twice in a 12 hr shift to talk to family members who prefer to call instead of visiting their loved one, just have the secretary play a generic tape to all of them, "Stable and snoring !"
13. If you are amazed about the sitting down time of some of your co-workers, just ask them if you can shadow with them for a day or so to learn the tricks of the trade. At least, you will get to eat.