Sam and Me

Proudly, I am admitting to you that I have not had an affair since 1976. Oh sure, there have been temptations, but once you've had real love, your head doesn't turn so easily.
I recall the day as if it were yesterday, the day I saw her and I knew she was the one for me. She was sitting boldly in the dealer parking lot, a 1976 Pontiac Firebird. She was midnight blue with pale blue racing stripes and very large tires. The interior was a softer blue and the dash resembled the cockpit of a jet, even though I have never seen that part of a jet. She had a large V-8 engine with an 8 track tape player. Was she cool or what? She was an automatic and the gear shift was on a console between the two front bucket seats. When I got to test drive her, the new scent stiffened by cilia and I was head over heels in love.
She was a single's car, a tease at the traffic lights and she loved to go fast, which was her only fault. I admit that she sometimes got me into trouble, so she wasn't perfect, but as close as one could get.
Then sadly, my day to settle down came and we needed a family car. For some reason, infants and sports cars don't mesh and I had to chose between the two, since my biological clock was running out. So after 6 years of bliss, I sold her to my little brother, just to keep her in the family and I can not remember feeling such sadness before. But one has to move on, and I did.
We had several cars in the next 20 years, but only a few got my attention. One was an SUV, that I nicknamed the Tank. She was as daring as anything you could imagine. She loved the snow and ice as if she took pride in getting me home safely, as if it was her job and she was in charge. However, she wasn't perfect since she truly hated it when I applied the brakes. She just didn't want to stop. The accelerator, on the other hand, knew its role and I got my one and only speeding ticket in the Tank.
I wanted to explain to the officer how stubborn she was about obeying the speed limit, but he seemed rather disinterested as he wrote the $150 speeding ticket, after he congratulated me on have a good driving record. He should have said perfect, but I was busy explaining to him that my father who was sitting in the passenger seat, was a stroke victim and I had left his medication home, which was true. Dad, with his hat on sideways and who rarely completed a sensible sentence was sitting staring out the window. At first, I thought the officer was going to have mercy on me and then he looked at my Dad and tried to engage him in a meaningful conversation. And wouldn't you know it, Dad responds with perfect dialogue and no fool on earth would have suspected he ever had a stoke. The officer asked,"How are you sir?" Dad turns to look at him and says, "Fine, thank you !" For the love of heaven. As we drove away, I threatened to put him in a nursing home.
Our need for another vehicle came as our two boys grew and they, along with everyone else's kids needed a ride to all kinds of ballgames, so we invested in a minivan. I missed driving around in my Tank, because I could reach around and slap my kids while I drove, but in the minivan, I was just a mesh of empty threats- you know, "don't make me pull over" stuff.
The minivan was dependable and roomy with front wheel drive. After the feeling left that I was a bus driver, I started to like her some more. But she scared me. She was not the mellow vehicle she pretended to be, as a matter of fact, she had some serious mental health issues.
She was a serial killer, she stuck a whole family of deer with deer blood splattering on my windshield before the first car payment was made. My son was with me and has never forgiven me for killing Rudolph. Later she feathered a chicken, killed 3 birds, squashed 2 squirrels, a rabbit and tried to run over our neighbor's dog while the little girl was walking him. She knew no mercy and I thanked God she didn't try to kill a human, even though she did veer toward my neighbor as he was mowing his lawn right in broad daylight. How do you love a car like that? You don't, you just wait 10 years and trade it in. She didn't even deserve a nickname.
Then it happened, I feel in love. It all came about when we had to put our Tank down. She was totaled on a slippery rainy night with a teenager driving. Our son blamed the weather, but the officer at the scene came up with 6 other reasons. I went to visit her in the junk yard to pay my last respects. It broke my heart to see her so broken. I cried.
I missed the Tank so much that my husband decided to invest in another SUV. I would only settle for red. I didn't care about anything else, no frills, just red.
As soon as we arrived on the dealor lot, I saw her, a brand spanking new , red Jeep liberty 4x4. She was parked in the front to catch my attention. The sun was shining on her fresh wax job, she was immaculate. She had huge tires and a big one on the back. Her windows were tinted. She was mighty fine.
The dealer passed me the keys and asked me if I wanted to test drive her-just give me those keys mister. I hopped in and the new car smell hit me again and I was dizzy in love. I couldn't think and I knew he must have been wondering why I didn't just turn the ignition. I had no answer. I just had to sit in the driver's seat and look at the little dials and play with the clicker thing, which impressed me more than the car itself.
There were 4 buttons on the clicker thing and I loved all of them, but my special one was the panic button, it set my heart to racing.
Finally I turned the ignition on and told the dealer that I wanted to be alone. He gave me a weird look as if I was going to steal the car, but he jumped out and I bravely took her for a little spin around the parking lot. My armpits were sweating as if I was afraid one of the parked cars was going to crash into me.
After the business transaction, I started the nervous ride home. As I traveled a few yards, she locked me in. It was the sweetest sound ever. I was infatuated.
I parked her in the garage and refused to get out of her. I read the manual, checked the radio, and sniffed the newness for hours. I finally got out and with my clicker, I locked her. She made a noise like a girly fart. It was then, that I named her Sam, short for Samantha.
Soon the name caught on and eveyone called her Sam. She and I waited for the first sign of snow which took its pea picking time coming and finally brought 2 inches of snow. Sam and I were ecstatic and we headed for the grocery store for absolutely nothing. Cars were in ditches and one was in a man's hedges. We just breezed past as if there was no snow at all. I could hear her tires gripping the road like gum on the bottom of a shoe. We did the speed limit with no fear, We were daring.
At last, I had become one of those annoying drivers that blows past you on the road when it is too dangerous to be out of the house. At last, I was cool again !!